Everything Self Defense: bully

Showing posts with label bully. Show all posts

Friday, April 14, 2017

How to handle bullying in self defense

Bullying is a very common problem and can leave devastating effects on the victim. If you are the victim of bullying then you are not alone. There are various forms of bullying and many people who suffer because of it. Hopefully, this self defense guide will help you deal with bullying with helpful resources and tips.

* Realize it's not your fault - The first step to dealing with bullying is that it's not your fault. There's nothing wrong with you that made you deserve to be bullied. Bullies tend to pick on those whom they suspect won't fight back because they are projecting their own insecurities.

* Don't internalize bullying - Everything that a bully says or does to you says isn't about you. It's a bully acting out his or her internal issues. You might not be able to change your bully's behavior but you can change the way you respond to it. Don't take it personal. Focus on responding with a positive approach instead of delving in self-hate and negativity.

* Use verbal assertiveness - Being verbally assertive can be a powerful method to getting a bully to stop his or her behavior. There's a huge difference between intimidation and being assertive. Intimidation involves verbal abuse and aggression while assertiveness involves confidently projecting your own viewpoint. Assertiveness demonstrates confidence whereas intimidation does not. Being assertive means standing up for yourself without being aggressive. Demand with confidence and a loud voice words such as "stop!" or "no!" when confronted by a bully.

* Use non-complementary behavior - The bully will likely use verbal insults, teasing, taunts, mockery, intimidation, etc. to get you to react either in fear or submission. Don't give the bully what he or she wants. Learn how to project confidence in your body language and tone of voice without being submissive or aggressive. Show the bully that you are unaffected by him or her. Engage in behavior that your bully won't expect.

* Use genuine empathy and listening skills - Be empathetic and express understanding. Chances are the bully is trying to communicate to you in an unhealthy manner. If you want to learn more on how to do that, check out my post "Psychological defense against violent intimidation" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/01/psychological-defense-against-violent.html), "how to defuse a fight before it starts in self defense.." (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-to-defuse-fight-before-it-starts-in.html), and "how to defend yourself against verbal insults" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/01/how-to-defend-yourself-against-insults.html). Practice these skills in the face of verbal abuse from your bully. Don't however make it your responsibility to "save" the bully as your efforts will likely fail because the bully will not want help.

* Don't engage in violence - Some people like to resolve bullying by engaging in fights after years of verbal abuse. This is often the wrong response. When you are being verbally abused, you should already use verbal self defense to respond then and there. You should not let negative emotions build up until the last minute or you may end up expressing them violently. The consequences of fighting include school suspension or getting beaten by a bully who may be more violent than you. The bully may have weapons or come back with multiple attackers. Violence should be your only last resort when you are being attacked.

* Get support - Get friends, family, and trusted adults to help you. Never travel alone where you are put one on one with a bully. Having a good support system will give you confidence in dealing with bullying. Bullies hate it when someone has a support system because they tend to target those who are isolated from others. Once you get others involved, the bully will lose power and may leave you alone. Report the bullying to the authorities.

* Use physical self defense as a last resort - If the bully decides he or she is going to attack you no matter what, you'll need to defend yourself physically. You'll need to be good at reading hostile body language and see an attack coming before you land a knock out hit. If you want to learn more, read "how to end street fights FAST" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/01/how-to-end-street-fights-fast.html) and "how to fight multiple opponents" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2016/12/how-to-fight-multiple-opponents.html). Remember to use the environment to your advantage.

* Practice self love - Probably one of the most powerful principles in dealing with bullying is engaging in self love. Remind yourself everyday of your strengths and love your imperfections. Bullies will try to change the way you view yourself. If you practice loving yourself on a daily basis, you remove the bully's power and gain confidence in yourself.

If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.

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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Why sparring IS NOT self defense

Many people believe that sparring helps them to develop hand-to-hand combat skills for use in the real world. They believe that the more you spar, the better you will be at defending yourself. I'm here to tell you that sparring alone will not make you better at self defense. Don't misunderstand me, i'm not saying that you won't learn any skills that could be used for self defense. I'm simply giving you many variables and considerations to take into account. Here are my list of reasons why the way most teach sparring is ineffective for self defense:

* Sparring doesn't prepare you for the unexpected - Think about it. You have two people on the mat with head gear and a bunch of other safety equipment on. Both know that they are about to fight and consent to it. In the real world, you don't know 100% that you'll be attacked. Your attacker won't tell you if he or she is going to attack and how. I've tested this myself with a sparring partner on multiple occasions. Coincidentally, he hit me without letting me know we were sparring. If that happened on the streets, i probably would've been knocked out. Sparring does not teach you how to deal with those situations.

* Sparring teaches street fighting - Once you put on your headgear and other safety equipment for sparring then prepare yourself for hand-to-hand combat, you are training for street-fighting. Why is it street fighting and not self defense? For one, sparring doesn't teach you how to avoid a potentially violent situation or diffuse it. Another reason you have to consider is that your attacker may not do those Karate kicks or Judo throws that your partner used in class. If you expect your attacker to just exchange punches only to find out you've been hit from behind by one of his buddies or attacked with a lethal weapon, all of your sparring lessons were just rendered useless. The last reason is that you aren't learning to neutralize the threat quickly enough. The longer the fight goes on, the more danger you put yourself in. Unfortunately, you will find many people claiming "self defense" be it on youtube or in person when they were street fights in reality because they gave their consent.

* Sparring has rules - Many forms of sparring include no hits to vulnerable areas. Sparring conditions you to only strike anywhere but those areas. That's a great hindrance to you and an advantage for your attacker who intends on seriously injuring or killing you. Another common practice is instilling "point systems." This is where you execute certain attacks or techniques to score points. When you have enough points, your opponent is considered defeated. This type of training is instilling false confidence be it with your fists or weapons because it completely ignores adrenaline rushes and pain tolerance. You might be surprised to find that no matter how many times you hit your attacker in the real world, he or she still won't go down. As a result, your confidence will start to break and chances are, you will give up or get hit. Some sparring sessions include making an opponent tap out. In reality, your attacker will do everything in his or her power to attack you. Once you let go of your submission hold, there's nothing preventing your attacker from landing a fatal blow. This video depicts one example where a man was being assaulted before others followed.

* Sparring neglects everything else in violence - Combat is much more complex than what sparring classes teach. There are adrenaline rushes, fight or flight response, weapons, multiple attackers, drugs, alcohol, stress, morals, psychology, the list goes on. If you are being bullied to the brink of insanity and your self esteem is being drained, do you really think you will be able to use what you learned in sparring against the bully? No. The bully already has a psychological advantage against you. If you freeze because of insecurity, the bully will take advantage of that and beat you up. If you aren't mentally prepared to hurt or kill your attacker then you will get hurt or killed. Thee aftermath of a violent confrontation (injuries, PTSD, prison, etc.) is also something to think about.

* Sparring gives false security - It's easy to fight when your wearing headgear, gloves, and other safety gear along with knowing that your partner isn't trying to kill you. In real life, you won't have this luxury. Your attacker will try to hurt and kill you. Your fist might break the moment you make contact with your attacker's jaw or cheekbone. Will sparring teach you how to handle an attacker trying to intimidate you? Will sparring condition you to cause real injury to another human being? Will sparring teach you how to execute eye gouges and other dirty fighting tactics properly? No. This is why sparring gives false confidence.

In conclusion, nothing you learn in self defense schools is guaranteed to save your life and this includes what i teach. You'll have a percentage of people who've misused hand-to-hand combat intended for self defense to street fight. You'll have a percentage of instructors who teach hand-to-hand combat but never had to use all of them in self defense. You'll have those who used them but the results were far different than expected. There's too many variables that you cannot account for all of them in self defense training. What's the best advice i can give you? Don't get into a violent situation. Focus more on avoiding or diffusing conflict before it starts.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Master the art of fighting without fighting

In the 16th century, a skilled samurai named Tsukahara Bokuden (who killed 212 people in battle) encountered a violent bully looking for a fight. When asked about his style, he said that he studied "the style of no style." the bully laughed and challenged him to a duel. Bokuden accepted but suggested they row to a nearby island where no innocent bystanders would get hurt. The bully agreed but as they approached the shore, Bokuden rowed the boat away and said "this is my no-sword school."

The art of fighting without fighting is the art of peace. It is the highest level of self defense. The ability to peacefully resolve conflict is the mark of a true warrior. You can use your skills to win many fights at impossible odds with people of various backgrounds. You can have many impressive fighting skills. You may even be one of the greatest warriors to ever walk the earth but if you don't know how to make peace, it's all meaningless. It doesn't matter how many you've beaten or killed in combat because it's nothing new. You've simply repeated an endless cycle of violence that has existed for countless generations. Nothing meaningful is learned from bloodshed.

The art of fighting without fighting is about breaking free from that vicious cycle. Rather than fighting the evil outside, you fight the evil within. Rather than repay evil with evil, you repay evil with good. Your enemy may laugh and arrogantly mock you, not realizing who you are or what you are capable of. You can destroy him or her in an instant but even if you do, you still would've failed to defeat your greatest enemy - pride. A very formidable warrior is sometimes a person who doesn't appear formidable. A warrior who is exceptionally skilled in combat does not need to seek approval from outside of him or herself. The highly skilled warrior finds peace from within. The art of fighting without fighting is about understanding the essence of why conflicts occur and resolving them peacefully be it through deception or words. This can only happen if you understand yourself and others in empathy.

The art of fighting without fighting can take a lifetime to learn. Nevertheless, opens the door to a profound understanding of the root of conflict. In the words of Sun Tzu "the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." How will you end conflicts without resorting to violence and create a better world? I leave you with those concluding thoughts.

If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.