This blog covers everything related to self defense including but not limited to training, techniques, principles, martial arts, hand to hand combat systems, weapons, various scenarios, tips, sparring, psychology of combat, the list goes on. It is not restricted to just one fighting art but welcomes every reader regardless of experience to gain knowledge on self defense.
We've probably been insulted at least once or countless times in our lives but few understand why people insult us. It's important to understand your enemy in order to defend yourself properly. I will give scientific evidence to help you do just that.
In psychology (see link below), there are several theories as to why people insult you. They are as follows:
1) Social Identity Theory - This is the idea that humans have a need for being unique. When there are outsiders, people tend to feel threatened and have the need to attack them to preserve self esteem. That's why you'll find white supremacists attack people of color because they feel threatened and vulnerable.
2) Social Comparison Theory - This theory argues that people tend to compare themselves to others as a measure of success or failure. When verbal abusers feel insecure or insulted on a particular flaw of ours (lack of confidence, intelligence, etc.), they tend to put others down. In a study done, volunteers were told they were unattractive compared to being attractive. They were more likely to rate others as unattractive, less intelligent, and less kind in an attempt to regain self esteem. If someone insults your intellect, chances are it's because your offender is feeling less intelligent than you are.
3) Projection - Sigmund Freud argued that people insult others because they have a negative view of themselves. They'd rather see other people having certain flaws than acknowledge their own. In a study done, people who were told their anger was high were more likely to rate someone else's anger higher than their own thus making them have less angry feelings. If you come across someone accusing you of selfish behavior when he or she is clearly being self-centered, it's probably because he or she refuses to acknowledge his or her own selfishness.
4) Ego threat - Another theory suggests that it doesn't matter whether people feel good about themselves or not. What matters is whether or not they are feeling worse about themselves in the present moment. A study done on people who are insulted show that they were more likely to force others to listen to obnoxious noises. If someone is insulting you, it could be because he or she is feeling miserable at the present moment.
What's the conclusion? People tend to store certain unwanted characteristics within their subconscious mind and rather than deal with it, they project them on others. The next time someone insults you, don't take it personally. It's because of an insecurity he or she has. That's why it's important in verbal self defense to not retaliate but rather defuse the verbal abuse. You may not get your verbal abuser to acknowledge his or her flaws but at least you can steer the insults into a more productive way of communication. Next time someone insults you, provide a healthier mean of understanding and expression for your offender.
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There are all sorts of misconceptions about verbal abuse and because of them, it's created an invisible world of pain. In this blog post, i will expose them and their significance.
* "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" - Many people tend to believe that words cannot hurt you. It's your choice to give words power. This is not true. According to a study, verbal abuse can cause physical diseases such as chronic pain, migraine, headaches, ulcers, stammering, the list goes on. The psychological effects include fear and anxiety, stress, depression, anger issues, PTSD, etc. (1). More symptoms are shown in this video.
* "Physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse" - Many people believe that physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse. The reality is verbal abuse tends to be more damaging because verbal abuse causes victims to change the way they view themselves. If victims of verbal abuse were made to feel less than human or worthless especially from people they sought approval from then they may go on carrying those emotional wounds. Their behaviors may reflect emotional suffering caused from verbal abuse in the form of drug abuse or other ways. In fact, the brain of a child who has been the victim of verbal abuse has been shown to differ from that of a child who grew up in a healthy environment (2).
* "Only strangers verbally abuse" - Many people tend to believe that only strangers and bullies engage in verbal abuse you. The reality is that family, friends, spouses, and acquaintances can also be verbal abusers. They may or may not realize that they are being verbally abusive and don't know how to express their emotions in a healthy manner.
* "The best way to handle verbal abuse is to ignore it and walk away" - Many people tend to believe that the best way to deal with verbal abuse is to ignore it and walk away. This can be effective but it's not always possible. If your in a situation where you cannot simply leave like a job or a home then ignoring it isn't possible. Ignoring verbal abuse is even more difficult when it comes from those whom you love. Sometimes, you have no other choice but to confront verbal abuse.
* "verbal abuse doesn't cause violence" - People tend to believe that verbal abuse is completely from violence. Some might believe that they can be verbally abuse and their victim won't become violent. In fact, verbal aggression in the form of insults and verbal abuse is one of the major causes of violence (3). This is why verbally defusing a potentially violent situation is so important. To learn more, read my post "how to defuse a fight before it starts" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-to-defuse-fight-before-it-starts-in.html).
In conclusion, these are just a few reasons why you should learn verbal self defense. Take the time to share this blog post with people you know and stick to the facts.
If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.
I'm sure with all the training, techniques, hard work, conditioning, crimes, etc. people have asked themselves at least once "do i need to learn physical self defense?" I give some of my thoughts and things you should consider regarding that question.
To start, i'm not one of those people who resort to scare tactics. I don't like pulling up a horrible violent crime or statistics and say "see! This is why you need to learn self defense!" Scaring people into learning self defense isn't a healthy much less productive way of building their confidence. Should you learn self defense? It really depends on you. Do you really need it? Personally, i don't need to learn self defense because it's not practical in everyday life. Self defense for me is more of a hobby than it is a dire need. In the areas that i lived, there was no need to defend myself from strangers. I was never attacked or a victim of a violent crime because the crime rate was low. My philosophy was as long as i avoided trouble, i'd have little to no problems with violence. So far, it's worked 100% of the time. Unfortunately, i can't say the same for people living in different areas of the world where violent crime is a daily occurrence.
When you are trying to decide whether or not you should learn self defense, you should ask yourself these questions
1) Do i need physical self defense? Some people will give into irrational fears perpetuated by the media on violent crimes and thus, end up learning self defense the wrong way. Others use self defense for the wrong motives such as revenge or controlling others. Do your research and see if violent crime in your area is a big issue unless you are a witness to it in daily life.
2) What kind of self defense is more practical for you to learn? If you are a victim of verbal abuse (insults, threats, teasing, blaming, blackmail, list goes on) then learning verbal self defense is more practical than hand-to-hand combat. It's not practical for you to have a physical response to a verbal action.
3) What do you expect to get out of it? - If you don't have any specific goals in mind, you won't get very far in self defense. Could be developing confidence, defending yourself against weapons, hand-to-hand combat, and so forth. Once you have an end goal in mind, work towards achieving it. Make your goals realistic. Don't just ask the typical question "what's the best martial art for self defense?" and then expect to realistically defend yourself in every situation.
If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.
In this blog post, i will provide you with some background on who i am and why i started this blog.
Since i was a child, i was always interested in the subject of self defense. I've come up with plans on what to do if there was a home intruder and how i'd defend the family with improvised weapons. I was introduced to martial arts through films such as Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon", "Way of the Dragon", Jackie Chan's "drunken master", among other films. To top it off, my brother was a Karate student so he taught me a bit on Karate. Since then, i studied many different martial arts every now and then. One of the things that inspired me to learn hand to hand combat was watching two of my friends engage in a street fight with each other one night. It started when they agreed to duel each other so we all gathered around them in a church parking lot. Both agreed that whoever gets knocked down first is declared the loser of the fight. From the time the fight began, i was surprised to see how well both fought. They both seemed to have an understanding of how to street fight. Both landed several punches then retreated. Both landed many kicks to the midsection but they tensed their albs in order to absorb the impact. Finally, one of my friends fell over by accident after a kick and lost. I was eager to get in the fight but one of my other friends said "no he's too little."
I've had a bunch of sparring sessions with friends and family. We'd engage in fist fights light contact sparring and such. With family, someone would almost always get hurt so we had to stop completely. With friends, i remember engaging in a duel using weapons. I had a small piece of paper shaped into a sword and he had a piece of metal serving as a switch. He cut my legs up a couple of times but i gave him several paper cuts on his hands and fingers. My mom was very upset on the aftermath of the fight. I've also had a sparring session with two of my friends in school where it was a two on one. I can remember slamming one into the chair and trying to attack the other one. My teacher came to break up the sparring session.
I've got into watching shows like "Samurai Jack", "24", and other films. Just seeing how well they adapted to every situation made a huge impact on how i saw not just martial arts but combat in general. I'd ask my older brother questions on how deal with a particular violent situation at the age of 13. I was already coming up with certain ways to defend myself. I didn't retaliate even after being hit by several kids in school. I didn't want the situation to escalate into further conflict and chose not to respond or to avoid the situation all together.
There's several more darker experiences leading me to the self defense world such as anger issues and family. I've never been in a street fight with friends or strangers because i didn't see the need for it. I've never had that deep of a problem where i needed to resort to violence against friends or strangers. I did have several fights break out between me and family. Violence was at one point a way of expressing my anger and frustrations. Sometimes, it was done out of self defense. When my older brother scared me, i can recall one incident where i attacked him by swinging wild punches and i had to be restrained. When i saw my mother beating my sister with a switch, i intervened by landing several kicks (one which split her lip in two). I received a beating in the process. I was also violent towards my abusive father. Bullying also had a negative effect on me growing up. Child abuse, bullying, and getting robbed all these dark experiences built rage up within me among other negative effects. That was the driving force in learning self defense.
I began learning and practicing Wing Chun in 2013 among other martial arts. I realized i had several deep insights in self defense and i wanted to share them with people which is why i started this blog. What makes this blog unique? It teaches simple self defense principles as opposed to techniques and demonstrations. I realized that many martial arts schools and some self defense schools have unrealistic training methods to dealing with violent situations in the street. This is because they don't seek to understand the criminal mindset. Another reason why i don't teach techniques is because what works best for one person may not work for another person. I'm against traditional standardized education because there's so many variables in combat that it's not possible to teach them all in one set of curriculum. I post links that help me personally but i encourage everyone to find the answers to their own questions using the principles i advise. I put a strong emphasis on open-mindedness and look for new ideas while challenging old ones.
What mainly sets this blog apart is the emphasis on dealing with every possible violent situation in self defense. While your average self defense school may teach basic self defense on the street, i inspire people to adapt to every possible situation. Whether it's your average street attacker regardless of size or skill, expected or unexpected attacks, multiple attackers, armed criminals, animals, active shooters, suicide bombers, etc. - strive to persevere your own life at your highest potential. I also tend to give advice on other topics such as situational awareness, conflict resolution, weapons, diffusion, verbal self defense, training, psychology, the list goes on. My goal is to teach people effective self defense by providing a few solutions to many problems. The purpose in all of my posts is to teach people to never surrender when it comes to saving their own lives.
I hope to reach my goals and provide you with insights on how to defend yourself to your uttermost potential.
If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.
Verbal insults occur far more frequently than physical attacks. The effects of verbal abuse leave much more lasting scars because it changes the way we view ourselves. Verbal abuse can often last a lifetime than physical abuse and can cause a myriad of problems psychologically. That being said, it is important to learn verbal self defense against someone attacking you verbally.
1) Remain a calm composure - Take deep breaths and don't react as if you've been offended. Instead laugh it off and remain calm. The last thing you want is to react based on the pain you feel and have it escalate into a fight. Own up to your feelings rather than deny them.
2) Don't get defensive - When we are insulted, the natural reaction is to defend ourselves. This is an improper response because it gives your verbal attacker power over you. It also exposes your weakness to criticism. Avoiding insults doesn't always work because your compromising your own health and safety to satisfy the needs of your attacker.
3) Understand that triggered the verbal attacker - One of the most powerful responses to diffusing the power of insults is understanding what triggered your attacker. We focus on the insults from a logical point of view asking "why are you insulting me?" That's not how humans work. We first react with emotions (usually negative) and then use logic to justify them or take them out on others. For example, someone may verbally lash out at you when he or she is frustrated with life. Figure out what it is that you did or said to cause your verbal attacker to feel threatened whether it's a post on social media, a belief, clothing, or otherwise. This isn't to say you specifically caused the verbal attack, simply understanding what triggers your verbal attacker to insecurity or discomfort.
4) Respond with understanding - According to psychologist George Miller, the best way to deal with insults is by assuming they have some truth to them for the moment and figure out the truth. Rather than taking it as an insult, interpret as a hidden message with underlying truth. See yourself as a problem solver than someone who has been offended. Turn negativity into positivity in order to learn more about your verbal attacker and yourself. If someone said "your so stupid!", you respond with "why am i so stupid?" Your attacker will be thrown off guard and be forced to respond or be discouraged from attacking you. This video will summarize the concept. In the words of Antisthenes - "Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes."
5) Set boundaries - Be assertive and set healthy boundaries. When you are insulted, say something like "i appreciate your opinion but i do not tolerate insults. I believe we can have a more productive discussion without resorting to verbal attacks." This will also throw your verbal attacker off guard.
6) Reflect the verbal attack - Make your tone of voice and body language interrogating. Repeat the verbal attack in order to make your verbal attacker reflect on his or her behavior. When an attacker says "your ignorant..." You calmly turn to face him or her and say "i'm sorry..did you just say I'M ignorant?"
7) Use the boring baroque response - This tactic involves is giving a long explanation for your attacker is right using meaningless stories and words. This is to diffuse tension and discourage your attacker from attacking you further. For example, if a verbal attacker asks "why are you so dumb?" You could respond with "well ya know i'm not sure...i think it started back in my childhood when my parents raised me that way...i had alot of problems in school and i think that's probably what triggered it.." Keep talking nonsense until your verbal attacker gets bored and possibly leaves.
In conclusion, remember that the aim is to not respond with more verbal attacks but to diffuse the situation and prevent it from escalating into violence. Practice these tactics with a partner. If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below. http://www.paywithapost.de/pay?id=7b715806-c78b-4bfd-badf-4242da2bf8f2
A shocking fact as i was watching a documentary on the S.W.A.T is that most situations are often resolved without a single shot being fired. S.W.A.T has to judge whether or not a criminal is worth killing. In some cases, police have found that people who act out in violent behavior would not have done so if they were in a rational state of being. There are other cases where various factors influence criminal behavior such as drugs, emotional issues, etc. where violence is unnecessary.
Many self defense instructors teach the physical aspects of self defense but neglect the verbal and psychological aspects which are just as important. It takes more skill to subdue the enemy through verbal communication than violence. By mastering verbal self defense, you can do many things to prevent conflicts from escalating into violence such as diffusing a heated argument.
There was a great example of verbal self defense in which a passenger got off his bike and walked to a construction worker being verbally abusive (see link below.) He was trying to intimidate the construction worker. A few more construction workers came to his aid as the passenger began threatening and intimidating them. The construction workers simply stood there expressing no fear, anger, or any other emotion. The passenger eventually saw that he didn't get the reaction he wanted and began to feel that they were a threat thus backed away.
Words have power and can bring healing or destruction. Words are powerful and can be used to de-escalate a potential attacker without throwing a single punch. By learning how to verbally and psychologically deal with intimidation, manipulation, threats, blackmail, insults, etc. you learn to protect your self esteem. Physical self defense is secondary because verbal communication is where violence starts and stops. The reason why verbal self defense takes more skill is because it requires compassion, listening, empathy, humility, patience, self control, trust, and many other qualities which take a lifetime to build. People like to think in terms of how to respond to a straight punch or a side kick but are forgetting what goes on before the confrontation. Take a minute to assess the following scenario:
You spilled some coffee by accident on a man who's lost his job, his wife, and house. He's fed up with so much anger, pain, and resentment then decides to take it out on you by shouting verbal attacks along with taking up a fighting stance.
You could respond by resorting to violence in self defense or you could peer behind the obstacles (insults, shouting, aggression, etc.) and make an empathetic connection to his vulnerable emotions in an attempt to diffuse the situation. Often times people will put on a mask and project a frightening image when in reality, its a defense mechanism to hide their most vulnerable emotions. Animals often intimidate each other but its for survival. The message they are sending is "back away, don't hurt me.." By listening without judgement, you will gain a better understanding about what the other person is trying to communicate from within. From there, you are able to hopefully help the person face their inner conflicts diffuse the situation and thus prevent physical conflict.
Unfortunately you can't prevent every physical conflict but imagine the number of violent attacks that would disappear if only people communicated with each other. Understanding people and their thoughts, emotions, attitudes, feelings, etc. will help build a better world of compassion.
What are your thoughts? What are ways to diffuse a potential attacker with your words and body language? How can you show compassion and use your energy to calm rather than provoke someone to anger thus creating the potential for violence? What are ways to respond against verbal attacks while connecting with a potential attacker's inner emotions? If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below. http://www.paywithapost.de/pay?id=7b715806-c78b-4bfd-badf-4242da2bf8f2
