How to handle bullying in self defense

Bullying is a very common problem and can leave devastating effects on the victim. If you are the victim of bullying then you are not alone. There are various forms of bullying and many people who suffer because of it. Hopefully, this self defense guide will help you deal with bullying with helpful resources and tips.

* Realize it's not your fault - The first step to dealing with bullying is that it's not your fault. There's nothing wrong with you that made you deserve to be bullied. Bullies tend to pick on those whom they suspect won't fight back because they are projecting their own insecurities. 

* Don't internalize bullying - Everything that a bully says or does to you says isn't about you. It's a bully acting out his or her internal issues. You might not be able to change your bully's behavior but you can change the way you respond to it. Don't take it personal. Focus on responding with a positive approach instead of delving in self-hate and negativity.         

* Use verbal assertiveness - Being verbally assertive can be a powerful method to getting a bully to stop his or her behavior. There's a huge difference between intimidation and being assertive. Intimidation involves verbal abuse and aggression while assertiveness involves confidently projecting your own viewpoint. Assertiveness demonstrates confidence whereas intimidation does not. Being assertive means standing up for yourself without being aggressive. Demand with confidence and a loud voice words such as "stop!" or "no!" when confronted by a bully.    

* Use non-complementary behavior - The bully will likely use verbal insults, teasing, taunts, mockery, intimidation, etc. to get you to react either in fear or submission. Don't give the bully what he or she wants. Learn how to project confidence in your body language and tone of voice without being submissive or aggressive. Show the bully that you are unaffected by him or her. Engage in behavior that your bully won't expect. 

* Use genuine empathy and listening skills - Be empathetic and express understanding. Chances are the bully is trying to communicate to you in an unhealthy manner. If you want to learn more on how to do that, check out my post "Psychological defense against violent intimidation" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/01/psychological-defense-against-violent.html), "how to defuse a fight before it starts in self defense.." (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-to-defuse-fight-before-it-starts-in.html), and "how to defend yourself against verbal insults" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/01/how-to-defend-yourself-against-insults.html). Practice these skills in the face of verbal abuse from your bully. Don't however make it your responsibility to "save" the bully as your efforts will likely fail because the bully will not want help.  

* Don't engage in violence - Some people like to resolve bullying by engaging in fights after years of verbal abuse. This is often the wrong response. When you are being verbally abused, you should already use verbal self defense to respond then and there. You should not let negative emotions build up until the last minute or you may end up expressing them violently. The consequences of fighting include school suspension or getting beaten by a bully who may be more violent than you. The bully may have weapons or come back with multiple attackers. Violence should be your only last resort when you are being attacked. 

* Get support - Get friends, family, and trusted adults to help you. Never travel alone where you are put one on one with a bully. Having a good support system will give you confidence in dealing with bullying. Bullies hate it when someone has a support system because they tend to target those who are isolated from others. Once you get others involved, the bully will lose power and may leave you alone. Report the bullying to the authorities. 

* Use physical self defense as a last resort - If the bully decides he or she is going to attack you no matter what, you'll need to defend yourself physically. You'll need to be good at reading hostile body language and see an attack coming before you land a knock out hit. If you want to learn more, read "how to end street fights FAST" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/01/how-to-end-street-fights-fast.html) and "how to fight multiple opponents" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2016/12/how-to-fight-multiple-opponents.html). Remember to use the environment to your advantage.            

* Practice self love - Probably one of the most powerful principles in dealing with bullying is engaging in self love. Remind yourself everyday of your strengths and love your imperfections. Bullies will try to change the way you view yourself. If you practice loving yourself on a daily basis, you remove the bully's power and gain confidence in yourself.  

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Common myths about insults

There are all sorts of misconceptions about verbal abuse and because of them, it's created an invisible world of pain. In this blog post, i will expose them and their significance.

* "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" - Many people tend to believe that words cannot hurt you. It's your choice to give words power. This is not true. According to a study, verbal abuse can cause physical diseases such as chronic pain, migraine, headaches, ulcers, stammering, the list goes on. The psychological effects include fear and anxiety, stress, depression, anger issues, PTSD, etc. (1). More symptoms are shown in this video.

* "Physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse" - Many people believe that physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse. The reality is verbal abuse tends to be more damaging because verbal abuse causes victims to change the way they view themselves. If victims of verbal abuse were made to feel less than human or worthless especially from people they sought approval from then they may go on carrying those emotional wounds. Their behaviors may reflect emotional suffering caused from verbal abuse in the form of drug abuse or other ways. In fact, the brain of a child who has been the victim of verbal abuse has been shown to differ from that of a child who grew up in a healthy environment (2).

* "Only strangers verbally abuse" - Many people tend to believe that only strangers and bullies engage in verbal abuse you. The reality is that family, friends, spouses, and acquaintances can also be verbal abusers. They may or may not realize that they are being verbally abusive and don't know how to express their emotions in a healthy manner.

* "The best way to handle verbal abuse is to ignore it and walk away" - Many people tend to believe that the best way to deal with verbal abuse is to ignore it and walk away. This can be effective but it's not always possible. If your in a situation where you cannot simply leave like a job or a home then ignoring it isn't possible. Ignoring verbal abuse is even more difficult when it comes from those whom you love. Sometimes, you have no other choice but to confront verbal abuse.


* "verbal abuse doesn't cause violence" - People tend to believe that verbal abuse is completely from violence. Some might believe that they can be verbally abuse and their victim won't become violent. In fact, verbal aggression in the form of insults and verbal abuse is one of the major causes of violence (3). This is why verbally defusing a potentially violent situation is so important. To learn more, read my post "how to defuse a fight before it starts" (http://everythingselfdefense.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-to-defuse-fight-before-it-starts-in.html).

In conclusion, these are just a few reasons why you should learn verbal self defense. Take the time to share this blog post with people you know and stick to the facts.

1. http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/verbal-abuse/effects-of-verbal-abuse-on-children-women-and-men/

2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201611/the-long-lasting-pain-childhood-verbal-abuse

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_aggressiveness

If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.

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How to defend yourself against insults

Verbal insults occur far more frequently than physical attacks. The effects of verbal abuse leave much more lasting scars because it changes the way we view ourselves. Verbal abuse can often last a lifetime than physical abuse and can cause a myriad of problems psychologically. That being said, it is important to learn verbal self defense against someone attacking you verbally.

1) Remain a calm composure - Take deep breaths and don't react as if you've been offended. Instead laugh it off and remain calm. The last thing you want is to react based on the pain you feel and have it escalate into a fight. Own up to your feelings rather than deny them.

2) Don't get defensive - When we are insulted, the natural reaction is to defend ourselves. This is an improper response because it gives your verbal attacker power over you. It also exposes your weakness to criticism. Avoiding insults doesn't always work because your compromising your own health and safety to satisfy the needs of your attacker.

3) Understand that triggered the verbal attacker - One of the most powerful responses to diffusing the power of insults is understanding what triggered your attacker. We focus on the insults from a logical point of view asking "why are you insulting me?" That's not how humans work. We first react with emotions (usually negative) and then use logic to justify them or take them out on others. For example, someone may verbally lash out at you when he or she is frustrated with life. Figure out what it is that you did or said to cause your verbal attacker to feel threatened whether it's a post on social media, a belief, clothing, or otherwise. This isn't to say you specifically caused the verbal attack, simply understanding what triggers your verbal attacker to insecurity or discomfort.

4) Respond with understanding - According to psychologist George Miller, the best way to deal with insults is by assuming they have some truth to them for the moment and figure out the truth. Rather than taking it as an insult, interpret as a hidden message with underlying truth. See yourself as a problem solver than someone who has been offended. Turn negativity into positivity in order to learn more about your verbal attacker and yourself. If someone said "your so stupid!", you respond with "why am i so stupid?" Your attacker will be thrown off guard and be forced to respond or be discouraged from attacking you. This video will summarize the concept. In the words of Antisthenes - "Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes."

5) Set boundaries - Be assertive and set healthy boundaries. When you are insulted, say something like "i appreciate your opinion but i do not tolerate insults. I believe we can have a more productive discussion without resorting to verbal attacks." This will also throw your verbal attacker off guard.

6) Reflect the verbal attack - Make your tone of voice and body language interrogating. Repeat the verbal attack in order to make your verbal attacker reflect on his or her behavior. When an attacker says "your ignorant..." You calmly turn to face him or her and say "i'm sorry..did you just say I'M ignorant?"

7) Use the boring baroque response - This tactic involves is giving a long explanation for your attacker is right using meaningless stories and words. This is to diffuse tension and discourage your attacker from attacking you further. For example, if a verbal attacker asks "why are you so dumb?" You could respond with "well ya know i'm not sure...i think it started back in my childhood when my parents raised me that way...i had alot of problems in school and i think that's probably what triggered it.." Keep talking nonsense until your verbal attacker gets bored and possibly leaves.

In conclusion, remember that the aim is to not respond with more verbal attacks but to diffuse the situation and prevent it from escalating into violence. Practice these tactics with a partner. If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201511/the-best-way-react-insult