Tuesday, April 4, 2017

How to defuse a fight before it starts in self defense

Defusing a violent person is one of the most important skills you can have. If you don't know how to prevent a situation from getting worse, you will have many problems defending yourself. Understanding how to defuse a potentially violent encounter can prevent violence from happening. The methods of de-escalation vary depending on your occupation but generally, there are fundamental principles you ought to follow along with some helpful videos.

* Remain calm - If someone gets in your face and starts verbally attacking you, taunting you, insulting you, threatening you, etc. then remain calm. Take deep breaths and make sure that your body language is non-threatening. Don't make any sudden movements or talk too fast. Use a soft and relaxed tone of voice. If your not calm, you run the risk of going into fight-or-flight mode and escalate the situation into violence. Release any tension that you have inside.

* Keep your distance - Take a few steps back away from your aggressor. If your too close, you are in danger of getting attacked and you won't have enough time to respond. If your aggressor steps in, calmly step back. Make sure that you are assertive and politely ask your aggressor to keep at a distance if necessary.

* Know what NOT to do - Learning how to defuse a potentially violent situation becomes easier when you understand what not to do. Don't get defensive. Don't try to justify yourself. Don't get angry. Don't get violent. Don't panic. Don't retaliate with aggression. Don't respond in the same manner that your aggressor is. Don't argue. Don't be disrespectful. Don't act like a victim. Don't try to reason with your aggressor. Don't try to control your aggressor. Don't talk over him or her and be rude. Don't mock him or her and take the situation as a joke. Don't be judgmental. Don't use adjectives to describe what the person is doing. Don't walk away when your aggressor is talking to you unless he or she asks you to. When you do all of these things, you make the situation worse.

* Understand what triggered your aggressor's response - One of the most powerful defenses in psychology is understanding what you did to trigger a response in your aggressor (see link below.) This is not to say that it's your fault for causing your aggressor to respond in such a manner. You should simply understand the deeper meaning behind your aggressor's response to your own actions. Maybe your aggressor didn't like your tone of voice. Maybe your aggressor didn't like the way you treated him or her. Maybe your aggressor didn't like something you said or did. Whatever it is, think "what did i do to trigger such a response?" and go from there.

* Do NOT engage in a power struggle - Under no circumstances should you try to control the other person. Never try to tell how your aggressor should or should not feel. Never give commands. It doesn't do anyone any good to just put your aggressor in a headlock. If you respond with violence, you can expect violence to occur again in the future. If you respond with genuine empathy and an open mind, you will get a completely different more peaceful response.

* Apply the golden rule - One of the most fundamental and important principles of effective de-escalation is treating others the way you want to be treated. Don't like being disrespected? Don't disrespect others. Don't like being mocked? Don't mock others. Don't like being yelled at? Don't yell at others. Don't like being insulted? Don't insult others. Don't like being hit? Don't hit others. Want to be listened to? Listen to others. Treat everyone with the same level of respect and dignity.

* Use non-complementary behavior - Generally, we tend to mimic each other's responses with our behavior. People generally expect a negative reaction to a negative action and a positive reaction to a positive response. When someone insults us, our natural reaction is to insult back. When someone pushes us, we push back. What is non-complementary behavior? Basically, giving a positive response to a negative action or vice versa. It's not yet completely understood scientifically why it works but it works. How to use it in self defense? You need to understand exactly what a person expects to accomplish and how the aggressor expects you to respond.

This is a perfect example of non-complementary behavior in action. Guy in blue pushes guy in white back in an attempt to provoke him to violence. The guy in blue seems to expect the guy in white to either A) Fight back B) Get defensive. The guy in white does something completely different. Instead, he chooses to engage in a bizarre dance that completely confuses his aggressor before running away. The guy in blue doesn't even bother chasing after him but shakes his head instead.

* Show genuine empathy and listening skills - Ask for your aggressor's name and then use it in your speech. This helps personalize the relationship between you two and demonstrates empathy. Show your aggressor that you genuinely care about his or her well-being. Validate his or her feelings by saying something like "I understand that you feel X and you have every right to feel that way..." Let your aggressor vent his or her feelings. Remember that validating your aggressor's feelings does not mean that you agree with his or her behavior. Restate what your aggressor said to make sure you understand what was being spoken. You could start by saying something like "so you are saying that..." Make sure that you asked open-ended questions to get your aggressor to respond. Know when to agree with your aggressor. It's harder to get upset with someone when you are in agreement with him or her.

* Get your aggressor to think logically - When your aggressor is angry, the right side of the brain responsible for emotions is activated while the left side for reason isn't. That's why you cannot reason with your aggressor. You will need to get your aggressor to somehow use the logical part of his or her brain in order to successfully defuse the situation. You might want to use numbers in your speech such as "so number one, we are having an issue with....number two, we are dealing with..." so on.

* Redirect negativity into positivity - In martial arts namely Wing Chun, there's a principle of redirecting your opponent's force and using it against him or her. The same principles apply to verbal communication. When someone aggressively vents his or her anger at you, redirect it to a more productive conversation. Use this as an opportunity to find solutions that are a win-win situation. Diverting your aggressor's attention from the initial motive for anger onto another subject or an observation in your environment is also good for relieving tension in your aggressor. Offering to move to a more private place to talk is also helpful. You could say "what do you say i buy you a drink and we can discuss this more?" Apologize when appropriate for any wrongdoings you may have done to offend your aggressor.

* Use "I" messages - Don't make accusatory statements like "YOU did X..." Don't use vague generalizing and offensive statements like "what you did was bad..." Be specific as to how your aggressor's behavior made you feel in a phrase such as "I feel X when you yell at me..."

Sometimes, there's going to be attack no matter what you do so you need to be ready to defend yourself physically if a situation spirals out of control. In conclusion, these are just the basics of how to defuse a situation from getting violent. If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.

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