Wednesday, January 25, 2017

How to defend yourself against insults

Verbal insults occur far more frequently than physical attacks. The effects of verbal abuse leave much more lasting scars because it changes the way we view ourselves. Verbal abuse can often last a lifetime than physical abuse and can cause a myriad of problems psychologically. That being said, it is important to learn verbal self defense against someone attacking you verbally.

1) Remain a calm composure - Take deep breaths and don't react as if you've been offended. Instead laugh it off and remain calm. The last thing you want is to react based on the pain you feel and have it escalate into a fight. Own up to your feelings rather than deny them.

2) Don't get defensive - When we are insulted, the natural reaction is to defend ourselves. This is an improper response because it gives your verbal attacker power over you. It also exposes your weakness to criticism. Avoiding insults doesn't always work because your compromising your own health and safety to satisfy the needs of your attacker.

3) Understand that triggered the verbal attacker - One of the most powerful responses to diffusing the power of insults is understanding what triggered your attacker. We focus on the insults from a logical point of view asking "why are you insulting me?" That's not how humans work. We first react with emotions (usually negative) and then use logic to justify them or take them out on others. For example, someone may verbally lash out at you when he or she is frustrated with life. Figure out what it is that you did or said to cause your verbal attacker to feel threatened whether it's a post on social media, a belief, clothing, or otherwise. This isn't to say you specifically caused the verbal attack, simply understanding what triggers your verbal attacker to insecurity or discomfort.

4) Respond with understanding - According to psychologist George Miller, the best way to deal with insults is by assuming they have some truth to them for the moment and figure out the truth. Rather than taking it as an insult, interpret as a hidden message with underlying truth. See yourself as a problem solver than someone who has been offended. Turn negativity into positivity in order to learn more about your verbal attacker and yourself. If someone said "your so stupid!", you respond with "why am i so stupid?" Your attacker will be thrown off guard and be forced to respond or be discouraged from attacking you. This video will summarize the concept. In the words of Antisthenes - "Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes."

5) Set boundaries - Be assertive and set healthy boundaries. When you are insulted, say something like "i appreciate your opinion but i do not tolerate insults. I believe we can have a more productive discussion without resorting to verbal attacks." This will also throw your verbal attacker off guard.

6) Reflect the verbal attack - Make your tone of voice and body language interrogating. Repeat the verbal attack in order to make your verbal attacker reflect on his or her behavior. When an attacker says "your ignorant..." You calmly turn to face him or her and say "i'm sorry..did you just say I'M ignorant?"

7) Use the boring baroque response - This tactic involves is giving a long explanation for your attacker is right using meaningless stories and words. This is to diffuse tension and discourage your attacker from attacking you further. For example, if a verbal attacker asks "why are you so dumb?" You could respond with "well ya know i'm not sure...i think it started back in my childhood when my parents raised me that way...i had alot of problems in school and i think that's probably what triggered it.." Keep talking nonsense until your verbal attacker gets bored and possibly leaves.

In conclusion, remember that the aim is to not respond with more verbal attacks but to diffuse the situation and prevent it from escalating into violence. Practice these tactics with a partner. If you enjoyed this post, subscribe to my blog for updates, more advice, and exclusive content in the near future. I'm proud and excited to offer a FREE sample chapter of my E-book "Jeet Kune Do: How to build your own fighting system for self defense!" It's essentially a step-by-step guide on how to make your own self defense system suited to fit your own needs using Jeet Kune Do. If you would love to receive your FREE chapter of my e-book, click on the link below and share a post via. social media then it's yours for FREE! Be sure to also fill out the survey on the right and provide feedback on my blog. Leave questions, comments, and suggestions below.

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